By Y K Gupta Updated on May 22, 2020
Who doesn’t want to be happy and search for that ever eluding happiness has landed you to this article. Further, if you let someone steal your happiness on a continuing and ongoing basis then you can perhaps never be a happy person.
Here, I want to introduce the concept of reaching out to happiness by at least avoiding, if you are not in a position of eliminating the people who steal your happiness from your life, and not just continue to live in a miserable unhappy life.
Need not to say, this requires some action at your part.
As we all know that distance between you and your success in any endeavor is – ACTION.
The 80/20 rule
Before we discuss how to reach out for your happiness and action required at your part. Let me share something very interesting with you and this is Pareto Principal or more commonly known 80/20 rule.
Now another thing which I feel necessary to clear is that 80/20 is only a more common figure. In different cases this figure keeps on changing. It may be 60/40 or it may be 99/1 in different cases. So,the idea here is that efforts and results are skewed. That only a little part of our efforts leads to most of the results.
For instance, a large part of the world’s wealth is concentrated in the hands of a very few people. And only a small number of employees are responsible for most of the productivity.
Further, only a certain number of your products account for most of your sales. And only a small number of customers are responsible for most of your profits and so on.
On the other hand only a small number of employees are responsible for most or sometimes the entire nuisance. And only a small number of your customers are responsible for most of your complaints.
Apply 80/20 rule to stop people steal your happiness
In the same manner, have you ever noticed that in large reservoir of your friends and relatives only few are the continuous source of almost all of your happiness. You feel flowers blossoming inside you whenever you come in contact with such people.
And similarly, there are only certain number of people who are responsible for almost all of your unhappiness. You just come in their contact and expect the expected. Your happiness is gone! As if someone has thrown a bucket of water on a brightly lit up candle.
These are the people who are stealing your happiness. They suck your happiness. Don’t allow them to do so. Don't let them steal your happiness.
The way out for not letting anyone steal your happiness
If you want to lead a life full of happiness then you have to find hot some action plan for the people who steal your happiness.
But how can you accomplish that? What to do? So what you do with the unprofitable customers? What you do with non selling products? And what you do with unproductive, nuisance making employees?
You got the idea – you get rid of them. You weed them out from your so passionately created business.
In the same manner, you have to weed out these suckers of your happiness from your life.
And for protecting your happiness from such persons ACTION is required, which I have discussed in introductory paragraphs of this article.
This action part is the most necessary part for protecting your happiness and is not that difficult as you think. Lack of this action part is the distance between you and your happiness. So go for it now. How it sounds going like this –
List the people who steal your happiness, for action
First, make a list of people, interaction with them make you sore. You know that every interaction with such people will leave you unhappy. Of course, people who are cause of most of your unhappiness will top the list and further in that order.
Make another list, on the same lines this time of the people who are the source of your happiness, every time you interact with them you feel rejuvenated, bursting with joy.
The idea is to realize that these are the people, on two lists, who on the one list are responsible for your most of the unhappiness and on the other list responsible for most of the joy in your life.
Make lists in writing
Making a list in writing is important. Just knowing it in your mind is not enough. As when you write something down then ideas come out of your mind and in the realm of reality.
From this stage it is easy for you to take action on these ideas. The action of making a list in writing is an indication to your mind that you are serious about happiness. Then your mind registers this indication and responds with generating wonderful ideas for achieving your goals.
Well, now is the time to work on these two lists. And here comes the Pareto Principal in picture.
As you have already created the first list in which you listed people who are responsible for your unhappiness. In the order of who is responsible for most of your unhappiness on the top.
If you start working on only two or three people listed on the top of the list, it will take roughly 80 to 90 percent of unhappiness out of your life.
Who are listed on the top of the list responsible for your unhappiness? A less cultured boss who humiliates you? A close relative who is disrespectful and doesn’t care for your emotions? A colleague, who always makes fun of you, laughs at you and ironically calls himself a friend of yours.
Don’t let these people or anyone else steal your happiness.
Take action to not letting people steal your happiness
Take action. Gather courage. Let these people know that you are a changed person now. Don’t wait until they do one more act of hurting you. Be proactive this time. Go to them and say politely but firmly that the way they treat you is hurtful to you.
Let them know what you feel like when they hurt you.
And if possible desert them. Get rid of them.
Believe me such negative people FEED on your politeness, on your gentleness; on the goodness you possess inside of you. Stop accepting them, and stop FEEDING them.
The other way out to deal with the people who steal your happiness
I am fully aware that, it is not always easy to get rid of, completely from such people or desert them. As they might be interwoven in your life so closely that it is really hard to completely throw them out from your life.
But then, what is the solution? You don’t want to continue to live a miserable life with such people and at the same time you are not able to get rid of them. The answer lies in the moderation.
Different people find different strategies easy or hard to practice depending upon their personality type. And it is hard to change your personality type if not impossible.
Take the decision which matches your personality type
If your personality type doesn’t allow you to take courage and get the people, who steal your happiness, out from your life or desert them, which I still think is the best way out to deal with such people, then take the strategy which matches your personality type.
To learn more about personality types please read this article.
However, as I have already discussed that changing personality type is hard if not impossible. But unfortunately the same phenomenon applies to your tormentors as well.
Your tormentors are also unlikely to change their ways at least unless you stop behaving like as an easy prey.
So, if you even not prepare to express your feelings and confront your tormentors, then of course next option left is ignoring them. Not getting disturbed by them.
Learn to tolerate them without being unhappy. Accept these people in your life, believing that they might be there being a part of a big scheme, God might have created for you for pushing you to the next level.
In this scenario, ignoring them and staying focused on your purpose might be the answer, which has been explained beautifully in this video by Joel Osteen, a famous motivator –
But please care for your happiness. Don’t allow negative people to steal your happiness.
Another strategy: Respond and not react to them
Another strategy can be responding to their bad behavior and not to react. In other words, whenever they misbehave or hurt you, don’t react immediately. Instead, after some time when things don’t look that bad go to them and tell them politely that their behavior was hurtful to you.
This strategy is also believed to be a very powerful strategy. And sometimes results in change of attitude and thus behavior, at least up to some extent, of your tormentor towards you.
However, if this doesn't work then you may choose between IGNORING such people and DESERTING them as per your personality type.
Further, I earnestly urge you that before deciding in favor of ignoring such people, at least give one try to communicating, as I fully believe that COMMUNICATING is a better choice than IGNORING.
Need not to say, the other list in which you have listed the people responsible for you happiness, is your life line. Spend more time with them, love them, care for them and just see garden of your mind and life blossoming with happiness.
More you focus on the people who are unbounded source of your happiness, expect even more happiness coming to your way. As it is the principle of life that on whatsoever you focus more, more it magnifies in your life.
I wish you unbounded happiness.
Y K Gupta